Mindfulness

A good friend of mine is learning new techniques, similar to Buddhism, on ways to mediate and mindfulness comes into play here. Mindfulness keeps you in the here and now. I am not up on any of these techniques but do plan on it in the very near future.
However in my mind (and I think that this is what it is all about), Mindfulness to me is to be aware of other people and their feelings. Dont judge and hopefully dont "be" judged. People are only that, just people. I have truly amazing friends who are a great support to me and I try to be mindful to thank them at every turn however I also have some casual friends that I probably never thank - and I want to start thanking them as well. I want to listen more to them when they have problems. I want to be more in tune with myself and with others. I hope that by doing this I can become a better person, because it's about time. I am guilty of being the one who loves to hear gossip, repeat gossip etc. and not even know if it is true or not, and I could be hurting innocent people in the process. I really want to be MINDFUL of my thoughts, actions and hopefully I too can help other people in need.
I know this is probably not what my friend has in mind when saying she is learning the technique of Mindfulness-but to me, until I too can learn it, this is what I will strive for.
Cheers everyone, have a great day..

COUNTDOWN 10, 9, 8 etc.

Here she is at 20, 21 and 23 weeks.

Well we are at the countdown for Sara 10 more days to go to her due date and boy is she cranky!!!
Well who can blame her. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that even though there still is 10 days to go - we all hoped and prayed that the baby would come early. Especially when one has had so many signs that it would be early....Poor kid - but (and she will hate me for this) she could still go 10 days plus another 10 or so...but I hope not, I hope she has the baby soon. I can't wait to see my new little grandchild....

AND then she just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And finally at 38 1/2 weeks.....

Hurry up little one, can't wait to see you!!

HOW DO YOU CHANGE THE NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE?? - This picture of me and Ali is a positive

Now as you are all aware, I have been trying to change my life and live by the "Secret". I am trying so hard to change the negative to a positive and this is very hard. (Is that negative?) I get it, I really do, if say I wake up in the morning and I go out and get caught in the rain I dont get mad and say "aw crap, now I am going to get soaking wet"...I try to think of something positive and say "I love it when it rains because it smells so nice after a nice downpour" or something hoaky like that...BUT it is really hard sometimes to do this. You all know I am still having a hard time with Cody's passing - and to me that is a negative in my life. No matter how I try, you just can't make that 13 year old's death into a positive. Sure I could list all the good things he brought to my life, how he made my life better and all that but when push comes to shove it all comes down to the same thing - HE WAS 13 YEARS OLD...what possible Positive thing can I make of that. I dont want to forget him, dont want to push his memories aside, I try to bring out the good memories but so far I cant do all that. I am still trying to figure out the WHY. Why did it have to happen, why didnt they do this, why didnt they do that...Please can someone tell me a positive way to make this horrible negative accident into a positive thing - without feeling like I am pushing it away...Does this make any sense at all???

BUT when I am not thinking of Cody - I am actually doing not bad at the positive. I am positive it is really hard but I am certain that I will strive...I am absolutely positive of this. I know things are changing for the good;that only I can make them change to the way I want them to be and I know that in a while things will all be good...Man this positive thing is positively a poser...am I sure, you bet I am, I am positive about that. I am positive that I can understand what I am saying so I am positive you will be too...I am positive that you will all think that I am a funny duck because I am positive that I am too :)
Cheers!

Another Day

Hi everyone - well today is Tuesday March 27, 2007. Wow, just a few more days and Sara's little precious bundle will be arriving - her due date is April 10th - we shall see when this little girl decides to come into this world. We are all so excited.

I am trying to change my ways of thinking to my "new" way but I gotta tell you it's hard to change this 55 year old brain's mindset. It's hard to think positive all the time and its really hard to change your way of thinking to "maybe" to "will"....you have to watch the DVD if you dont understand. My new favorite saying (and my sister in law Violette has been saying this for years) "Follow your Bliss"... Anyhow I dont have a lot of add today unless of course Sara's wee one decides to come along today - boy then you wont' be able to shut me up....until tomorrow!! (or later today when my brain thinks of ways to entertain you all :)

Blogger Name Change

Hi all - I watched a truly amazing DVD today - "The Secret" and it is powerful ;if you don't know the tenet of "The Secret" please go out today and try to find it. It's a book or you can view it on a DVD. I am going to live my life by the Secret and what lies therein. From now on I am taking on the positive and letting go of all the negatives . I truly believe it has already changed my life. Find it, read it, watch it, it will change your lives. The messages in it are powerful but simple.

People's Feelings

Good Morning - it is so nice to see the rain go and the sun come out, even if just for a little while. The backyard doesnt look so much like a pond now.

I would like to speak a little on "people's feelings" and how we all need to think of people's feelings before saying things. Little things can irritate or hurt some people-whereas some people dont sweat the small stuff and it doesnt even phase them. Like for instance - a thank you card. Sara had a baby shower and she bought thank you cards the very next day and sent them out. People were amazed that she had done this so quickly, but she didnt want to hurt anyone's feelings. She wanted them all to know how thankful she was for the wonderful gifts she received. But then there are others who want things and you give them to them and you dont even get a thank you. You may need that someone to come over for certain reasons in order to get the thing they want but they cant be bothered, or they dont have a clue when they can get over. That puts whatever you were doing for them on hold, and you may have worked hard on doing it for them - but whatever the reasons, it hurts when you do something for someone and they cant even be bothered to come over so you can "finish it, or pick it up or just say thank you.
I wish we could all just take a moment to think that if someone does something nice for you, a little thank you goes a long way. If a person says Gee you look nice today, (and I am really guilty of this one - Say "thank you", dont beat around the bush and make excuses why they might think you look nice. Take the praise and enjoy it, hopefully they dont say it unless they mean it. This is not pointed at any one person, its pointed at all of us. Lets all try to think of people's feelings. Lets face it, we all have them, some may bury their feelings a little deeper than others but they are there...so lets all say Thanks once in a while.

ARGHHHHHH - down day, down day

Hi All - Firstly I HATE the rain - it really brings you down; secondly and most importantly I only have 9 days to go before I have to go back to that STUPID job. I really hate it and even after being off for a year I still have the feelings of dread having to go back to it. People aren't very friendly in that office, I could name them on just a few fingers who are pleasant and those ones are ones that I wont see very often. Plus I really get sick of the whining and moaning of the worker's and lots of the staff...arrggghhhhhh. Oh well I am going to have to stick with it until I can find something else I guess. There was a job in the paper to work in a nice facility close to home, but it was only for 15-16 months mat leave - although they felt she wouldnt be coming back. But it was only $12 hour and I could manage if it was $16 hour I could not go down to $12 from $20...it was 30 hrs week and hours were from 10-4 which would have been wonderful; plus it was reception and was right in the middle of working with the residents which I would have loved but alas...scheduling here I come I guess!!! I will continue to look for postings internally I guess and see what happens; in the meantime I hope I can stick it out!!!! ARRRRRRGHHHHHH

CONGRATULATIONS

I just want to take a moment to congratulate my girlfriends on becoming grandmother's for the first time. What a wonderful time for them. First I want to congratulate Lise - she is now the proud grandmother of "Nora Alida" whose daughter Ashley delivered a whopping 9 lb. 15 oz girl. Congratulations!

I also want to congratulate my wonderful friend and confidante Karen who also is a grandmother for the first time. Her grandaughter's name is Cali (second name not known as yet). Cali's mommy is Lisa and she weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs. 9 oz.

Wow girls, congratulations. You both did a wonderful job. I have seen pictures of Nora but not yet of Cali. I am sure Karen will be showing her pictures soon. Way to go.
Congratulations Grandma's, it's a great trip, enjoy it!

I have to tell you all

Hi there - I was re-reading this blog and want to let you all know how proud I am of my "eldest" daughter Lisa. She went through some tough times last year and of course the toughest at the end of the year when Cody passed. I am so proud of her. I feel I finally have "my Lisa" back. I have missed her so much and she is one of the strongest people I know. She has a nice new apartment, a new man, a new job and is coping the best she knows how. She has Ali 4 days a week and is trying hard to get her life back on track. I love you Lisa and am so proud of you. Keep up the good work (I know you will). Life will never be the same for you I know, but remember we all love you and you have some wonderful, wonderful memories of Cody - and if your lucky he will continue to "flush the toilet" in the middle of the night for you :)

Sara's Baby Shower

We had a ?? surprise shower for Sara - I don't think she knew until she came into the driveway. There was a lot of people that came and she got some beautiful gifts for baby. We are all so excited for her and Michael. We can't wait for baby to come. Doesnt Sara look radiant. This top picture is me, Sara and Michael's mother Gloria - the other grandma to be...

Up's and Down's

Hi all - Just to let you know - please continue to read my blog's. I hope to write every day and I promise that not all is going to be a "downer"...I have some really good things happening our my/our lives and want to blog about it all. Starting with Sara and new baby. Tomorrow I will post pictures of our very "very" pregnant Sara and also have lots of fun pictures of Ali and others to post. Plus I have lots of fun stories etc. to tell about everyone....hmmmm are you all wondering who I am talking about - well keep posted and you will see...

Love you all

/cat/cathi

It's been a while

Hi all - This is to all who "dont" or "do" read my blog's...not that I have ever told anyone about this, so probably this is to all who "dont" read...ha ha...Anyhow It is 4 months today since Cody officially passed on although we all who were really close to him believe it was actually the day of his accident (Nov 11th, Remembrance Day (ha) that he really passed on - anyhow, some of us celebrate today, others the 11th...but ...I digress - it's 4 months and it seems just like yesterday. I know my friends (and actually) even my close friends are sick to death of me going on and on about Cody. I am not apologizing, he was my Cody. He is/was my baby boy, my little and ONLY grandson that I have/had. I consider HAVE not had. AND I cannot help going on about him. I LOVE/loved him so much and my brain just keeps remembering everything about him, the bad temper, the tantrums, the good times etc of him...sorry, maybe in time I wont be so "verbal" about it but for now, if your really my friend, you will listen to me, maybe even put yourself in my shoes and God forbid I would never wish this on my worst enemy, just shut your eyes and imagine if it was you...how you would feel. I never "ever" want any of you to have to go through all this pain, but I really wish you could all understand the pain I am going through, and know, that 4 months will not diminish my pain...And for all of you of I would like to leave you with this little poem and think of me..whenever you see me, please do not be afraid ...remember my wish...to talk about my Cody....

Please Say His Name

Do you really think that I'm okay?
Though my grandson has gone away?
Do you think because I smile
I have forgotten for a while?

I have to tell you that you are wrong.
He's on my mind all day long.
Though I may not let it show
He's always on my mind you know.

Why do you turn when I speak his name?
Do you not know it causes more pain?
Can you comprehend how I feel?
My grandson was here...he was real.

I miss my dear Cody, but I must hide
The terrible pain I feel inside.
The lump in my throat it hurts so bad
because I can't cry although I'm sad.

I can barely speak his name
For fear that it might cause you pain.
I miss my dear Cody...I miss him so.
I just thought that you should know.

Even though I laugh and play...
I didn't forget my grandson today.
Please say his name now and then.
Please...say "Cody" again.

I love you dear Cody forever and always