ANOTHER YEAR LATER and...

Well it's almost one year that Cody passed and things havent changed much. Tomorrow still is Willy' and my anniversary only this year another year later, now 30 years. Wow who would have thought that 30 years ago that this would be today........
Ya know when Willy and I married it was only 4 years almost to the day that I lost my first husband..well actually didnt lose him because we really never ever found him(last time I saw him was Nov 27,1974 - I married Willy Nov 19, 1977) but... and yeah, well he still actually has never been found but was legally declared dead by dad and the law courts...But the Crighton curse still seems to follow. But I dont want to get into that now - read the book if I ever publish it :)
However I am really not being glib, this post Cody year has been truly awful. I never thought that things could get worse than the days after he passed but believe me they have. I did go back to work in April 2007 after being off quite some time but now am off again since November 2007. I am falling apart and wonder if I ever will be able to be strong. I know I used to be a strong woman but man you just dont know how hard this year has been, not just on me, but on Willy, Marc and Sara-who had a adorable baby girl April 13th, imagine how hard it is on her with me not being able to keep my mind posted on our dear wee Arianna...I love that baby so much, she is the sunshine that keeps me smiling every day and I try, I really try to keep smiling for her but then the other side of my life comes through and I need to focus on them too. Amanda, dear sweet Amanda, she is lost, she is living out in Burnaby with her new fiance and he is very much involved with many things in our lives that we do/dont like and they both know it...and my focus is on Ali - GOD it is so hard to be a strong confident nanny to her when things are falling apart. In the next few days I pray I can let us all know whether our prayers have been at least answered partially...Ali right now is with me and Lisa and Greg are doing their things. I am tired, so very very tired of crying and I really, REALLY dont want people feeling sorry for ME...I want them to pray that Ali and Amanda can get the happiness that they need. I am far far done now from the praying for me bit...dont pray for me, I dont need it...but they do....But I needed to post this for their sakes and to let you know that even though some people say it has been an "uneventful year"...well maybe for them, but for us living day to day with this it has been a very "EVENTFUL" painful year for all of us involved and hope that soon it all stops.
Talk to you all soon, and remember please - Love ya all.