Now as you are all aware, I have been trying to change my life and live by the "Secret". I am trying so hard to change the negative to a positive and this is very hard. (Is that negative?) I get it, I really do, if say I wake up in the morning and I go out and get caught in the rain I dont get mad and say "aw crap, now I am going to get soaking wet"...I try to think of something positive and say "I love it when it rains because it smells so nice after a nice downpour" or something hoaky like that...BUT it is really hard sometimes to do this. You all know I am still having a hard time with Cody's passing - and to me that is a negative in my life. No matter how I try, you just can't make that 13 year old's death into a positive. Sure I could list all the good things he brought to my life, how he made my life better and all that but when push comes to shove it all comes down to the same thing - HE WAS 13 YEARS OLD...what possible Positive thing can I make of that. I dont want to forget him, dont want to push his memories aside, I try to bring out the good memories but so far I cant do all that. I am still trying to figure out the WHY. Why did it have to happen, why didnt they do this, why didnt they do that...Please can someone tell me a positive way to make this horrible negative accident into a positive thing - without feeling like I am pushing it away...Does this make any sense at all???
BUT when I am not thinking of Cody - I am actually doing not bad at the positive. I am positive it is really hard but I am certain that I will strive...I am absolutely positive of this. I know things are changing for the good;that only I can make them change to the way I want them to be and I know that in a while things will all be good...Man this positive thing is positively a poser...am I sure, you bet I am, I am positive about that. I am positive that I can understand what I am saying so I am positive you will be too...I am positive that you will all think that I am a funny duck because I am positive that I am too :)
Cheers!
6 comments:
Hi Cathi,
Good for you for asking the profound question.....and i can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. Where is the positive in Cody's passing? Well you may want to rent the movie "Conversations with God". In the movie there is a particularily poignant moment where a mother who had lost her son is raging about "WHY??? Why???" Anyways Neil Donald Walsh answers her in the most incredible way. If you believe in God and that there is a reason for everything then you may take solace in this movie.
When my father died a most horrific death (btw in a week or so it will be the 20th anniversary of his passing) I could have turned his death into a positive....well i did sort of....a year after his passing i decided that life was too short to waste and that i needed to make something of myself so i went back to college for 3 years...and i ended up co-founding an anti-poverty group which to this day has helped thousands of people. Okay....here is something else i could have done Cathi (and i regret not having done it)I could have campaigned for the Schizophrenica society so that i could have helped de-stigmatize mental illness.....and quite frankly because i'm an artist i could have found an interesting way too!! Remember a couple of years ago i spearheaded the White rock chics calendar posing nude to raise funds for women's programs which had been brutally cut back by the government. (raised 20 thousand dollars).
Now i don't really know which kinds of problems Cody had.....maybe dyslexia or ADHD.....but you might want to do something positive to bring awareness to those children afflicted with these conditions which might prevent them from learning properly. Because the person who was driving the truck in which Cody was thrown had been drinking and that not wearing a seatbelt contributed to his death i would make a point of becoming a speaker in the school systems. I would go around to the junior and senior high schools and talk to the kids about wearing seatbelts, about not getting into cars with their friends who have been driving or who are on drugs. I would campaign to make sure another child does not die a needless death. Now can you see where i'm going? Cody's death would have not been in vain? You may save another life....or dozens??? When Terry Fox was taken from us after his body was ravaged with cancer his family spearheaded the Terry Fox run in Sept. They have raised awareness and tons of money for cancer research. A negative into a positive.
Sorry this is longwinded Cathi. There is always a way you can transform a negative into a positive.....it takes effort and it takes courage but it will change you and those around you. I know that you have the strength and knowledge to make sense of Cody's death in only the way you can!
Love you!
Violette
Cathi .......i meant to say "don't get into cars with people who have been drinking or doing drugs". Another thing i thought of was that they might not have many youth centres in Chilliwak where teenagers can go and do something productive like take part in activities or take classes. You could campaign to get a youth centre in Cody's neighbourhood and then have the city dedicate it in his name?
love violette
Where is the positive in Cody's Passing. I don't think there is anyway possible to make this into a positive. I think the only way to grieve and to let his life live on after death is to NEVER stop talking about him. Never let go of all the memories, Never let his voice leave your mind, and Never stop believing that he is still here with us in our hearts and watching down on us, proud of the strong, beautiful and caring family he left behind. I understand you can make awareness and campaign against not drinking and driving and not wearing your seatbelt, but the thing with all that, is that it doesn't bring back what you want back most, it "may" help other people learn to put a seatbelt on or to not get in a car with someone
but, in all honesty that only helps that person, it doesn't help us, the ones stuck grieving for a life that was not lived long enough. So my thought is to not turn his death into a positive (because we all know in no way it was) but instead to never let go, and to always have him with you, and if you need to cry, cry the whole day, if you need to scream, scream and take it out on the nearest person around you, because the people who love you most are the people right beside you and will scream and cry with you. To my family Cody's death will never be forgotten nor will that beautiful smile he's left in my heart.
Man on Man - so with all this being said - bottom line is...I guess there is no real way of making his death a Positive - However I am positive I love him and positive that one day I will see him again. I am positive he made my life better by being in it. But, I am positive I miss him.
I guess I opened a can of worms with this question. It could be a very large debate but actually I kind of meant it to be a rhetorical question, it's way too soon to even think that this could be a positive and not the negative....
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