I can't believe that today marks the passing of Cody 6 months ago today. We believe that he actually passed on the day of his accident but legally he passed on the 20th when they disconnected him. Look at this picture of him, this was taken only days before he had his accident. He was a normal 13 year old. Life is not fair and I still don't understand why he had to go.
I miss my little Cody so terribly much. The pain is still strong and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Every morning when I wake up I say good morning to him and when I go to bed at night I say good night - but at night I can lie in my bed, alone and cry. I dont know when or even if the crying will ever stop. I just dont understand any of this. All I know is that I am not ready to go over in my mind the day of his accident. The wound in my heart is still too deep to think of it. It hurts terribly and I wonder if it will ever heal. My heart breaks when I see Lisa - her eyes are vacant most of the time and I know I will never ever have my old Lisa back. She doesnt understand it either. People say it was God's will, that doesnt help us right now. And I know that a lot of people have gone through the same thing, losing a child is the worst...but selfish as this may seem, I just dont want to hear about the other person because WE are going through it now and I cant think about those other people. That sounds so terribly horrible but it's the truth although I wonder how they managed to get through it...We are getting through it, we are living and sometimes we even seem truly happy. But there is always that emptiness that we feel, the pain in the heart, the hole that doesnt seem to want to get better. There are some days that I feel bad and I am not sure what it is, until of course I really think about it and those are the days when I know it's all about Cody, when I have seen Lisa or Greg or Amanda - I see their vacant looks and then I know why I am feeling so bad. I hate this. I really really hate this and some days just want to hide my head under the covers and never come out. BUT - reality is and reality sucks - we have to accept this and thats that!! AND I HATE THAT....
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